The Alliance of Boulder County
on Tobacco and Health

Satire - The Real Gunslingers' Bill of Rights

Whereas, it is recognized that some 2,000 people who shoot guns die of self-inflicted injuries every year as a result of engaging in an "adult, personal and pleasurable" activity;

Therefore, it is deemed that gunslingers have the following rights:

  1. The right to cling to their obsessions of superiority when they have a gun in their hand.
  2. The right to be informed of the consequences of shooting themselves.
  3. The right to be informed of the social and environmental costs incurred by the manufacture of guns and bullets.
  4. The right to be informed of research by gun manufacturers that documents the hazards of using guns.
  5. The right to be informed of misleading public information that has been promulgated by gun manufacturers.
  6. The right to have gun manufacturers compensate them for medical expenses incurred by shooting themselves.
  7. The right to require gun manufacturers to compensate their families for losses caused by their self-inflicted injuries.
  8. The right to sue gun manufacturers for misleading them into thinking the pastime of gunslinging is an adult and socially-appropriate activity.
  9. The right to believe that children and elderly people do not need to be protected from injury caused by flying bullets.
  10. The right to continue believing that people who do not shoot guns do not exist.

Copyright © (1995), E. Stiltner

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